This has been a month of awareness for me. As I reflect on June, I’ve had some really powerful discoveries about myself, thanks to my willingness to slow down and listen to myself before seeking external resolutions for my challenges.
When I was young, I struggled with finding my path and ended up conforming to those around me, which led me to a lifetime of seeking others’ approval and not knowing who I was or what I should do with my life. I never took time to slow down – instead, I rushed forward, thinking that I’d have time to “figure out my life” later. But what I didn’t know is that my body keeps score of all of my personal trauma. After years of holding onto my grief, stress, anger, and rage, it all exploded in my house this month, and no one was injured. (But seriously, lots of tissues were lost.)
Here are the books I recently read that helped me gain more clarity:
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Like a Spark from Fire: Break free from the past, shine your brilliance and become your true self. This book really taught me about my personal journey and how to listen to myself. The “mother” type is what I resonated with, and funny enough, I’m not even a mother! In the book, written by Debra Berndt Maldonado, she says “She thought everything was her fault and that she was responsible for making everyone happy.” yep.
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Untamed by Glennon Doyle – I just started reading this after being an avid listener of the We Can Do Hard Things podcast this year. (This pod hosted Michelle Obama as a guest this year…) “Rebellion is as much of a cage as obedience is. They both mean living in reaction to someone else’s way instead of forging your own. Freedom is not being for or against an ideal, but creating your own existence from scratch. “ – Glennon, Untamed
Everyone has answers, but I just wanna find calm
Everyone seems to have answers and will tell me what to do. I’ve listened to so many people in my lifetime, but the one person I never really listened to was myself. It wasn’t until 2020 that I heard a voice inside guiding me toward building a community. I didn’t know how to do this, and I had no idea how I’d make a living at it. But I did know that every day of that year, I woke up excited to meet new people from across the globe and learn about something new.
That excitement slowed down when I failed my community launch in June of 2020; having zero members, I kept going, trusting that things would fall into place. The community builders started to ask me for my help, and I became a community consultant. Yet another thing I’d never done. This is my third business (I previously started a cleaning business and ran a photography business for 10 years), and I’ve helped over 50 community builders. But it wasn’t easy.
I struggled every day to figure out the tech, business development, content creation, social media posting, and how to convert leads to clients. I’d been doing in-person business, so this new online business world was a whole different animal.
So by the end of 2021, after my first full year as a consultant, I was exhausted at doing all the things by myself that business owners do (outreach, networking, website design, social media, contact management, data management, podcast hosting, graphic design, and more) and needed to figure out how to do less. Still, I just had no idea how to figure that out!
Then I met a client that changed the game. She taught me about YouMap®, a holistic assessment profile, and framework that is a foundation of self-awareness for endless personal and professional uses. I learned that by working with my coach and on my own with a workbook, I discovered my strengths, values, and innate skills and learned about my burnout skills. These are the tasks that I know how to do and can do them well, but that drain my energy. A YouMap® assessment includes a workbook with exercises, prompts, and guided questions that allow entrepreneurs (or job seekers) to dig deep into personal awareness and discovery that might take years to uncover. Still, within a few weeks, I could identify my core burnout skills. Want to learn more about YouMap®? Let’s chat!
Are you interested in becoming a YouMap® Coach? The next 4-week Accelerated Certification class is October 17th – November 9th (every Tuesday and Thursday), from 11:30 am – 1:30 Pm Eastern time US. You can learn more here.
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Identifying and evaluating burnout skills
Finding what you enjoy seems easy enough, but figuring out the difference between what skills burn you out and what skills light you up requires intentionality. The work requires you to identify all the tasks you currently have to do each day and prioritize them with a rating or scale ranging from low to high.
Once you have a list, you’ll need to decide how you define high and low, meaning, is the task giving you energy or taking energy? Do you feel drained, or do you feel energized? Selecting a range that states low for tasks that deplete energy (when I do this skill it drains my energy) and a high range for tasks that bring me energy (when I do this skill, I have more energy).
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Make a list: What I do each day.
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Set the range from low to high.
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Define low and high
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Low = Depleted my energy
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High = Brings me more energy and lights me up.
For me, building tech solutions for others is a burnout skill. I probably knew this but didn’t want to admit it because when a client says I’ll pay you $$$ to build it, then my burnout skills (and the pain) go out the window because I need that cash more than energy. But to constantly trade my power (especially my burnout skill, which zaps a lot from me) leaves me completely exhausted and in no mood to go out, be social, or have a social life. I’m too tired. (This is also due to recovery from trauma, which takes a long time.) Instead of continuing to trade my energy for money, in 2021 and 2022, I became a certified coach to begin working directly with clients more often instead of getting work as a freelancer.
Knowing that my high skills (the skills that light me up) are my strategic thinking, compassionate communication, and my desire to continue writing led me to redesign my business to support that new vision. So now I no longer offer course building on my services and only build a community with a client on a call because that’s us collaborating instead of me slaving on my computer for hours at a time (burnout skills). Just because I know how to do something doesn’t mean I want to do it for someone else.
This is very important for me to learn because I also have a lot of things that I am good at, it’s true. I’m skilled at writing, communication, execution, leadership, management, and organization, and I pay attention to details. Having so many strengths in many areas means I spent my life using a lot of energy, feeling significantly depleted, and not understanding how to “replenish” myself with self-care. (Self-care, what’s that?) Thankfully since leaving corporate life in 2019, I’ve worked to find a good balance between life, work, and self-care.
Now I’m working with coaching clients and writing more often, giving me the space to read the books I mentioned earlier. It’s giving me the time to learn what kind of food I like and where I want to live in the next few years. It’s a gift, this life. It’s mine and no one else’s. So if anything I’ve learned, it’s this: It’s worth it to know you.
One podcast episode I recently enjoyed: 10 Percent Happier Strategies for Managing Your Time with Laura Vanderkam.
Music I’m listening to: Meghan Cary
What I’m watching: And Just Like That Season 2.
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